If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
