maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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