Farmville is her only friend.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
