Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
vagina is talking i cant
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
