So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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