In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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