8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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