did you get engaged???
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
