think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize