my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
