Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
