if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
