I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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