dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
