i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Come on in and take your pants off
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
