Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
