Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
