what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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