I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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