As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize