Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
