How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
