Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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