you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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