It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
