A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
