and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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