Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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