I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Randomize
