I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
