The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
