Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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