its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
