Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
