4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
