It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
