Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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