nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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