***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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