and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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