ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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