i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
