Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
