Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
