i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just googled if crying burns calories
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
