Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
