So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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