dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
