How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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