I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
