Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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