I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize