I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
