Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
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