all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
