you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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