I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
