I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I want a musical about memes.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
