and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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