i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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