Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
