I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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