Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Im just a social blackout drinker.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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