I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
