Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
