My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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