Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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