A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize